It almost has to rain....

To make me stop. Summer its finally here, well it still likes to sleep in the morning. But sandals are out, socks & scarves are gone, and I don’t want to waste a second of the warm sunny weather.



I have done a lot of new things this past week and half:
I bought a red shirt (I realized I didn’t own a single red shirt)
I helped dissect a cow eyeball
I baked a huge chocolate chip cake and wrote on it in icing (it kicks American cookies Company’s ass)
I got rid of about half…well almost about half the things I have.
I visited the autopsy room so I could pick a human heart, lung, stomach, brain, and some organ I didn’t recognize…..hello vegetarian.
I drank my first ginger ale….like a subtle version of mountain dew.
I cooked skate fish…didn’t turn so well.
The list could go on, but the point is if it hadn’t started raining I would have never gotten around to picking up anything off my floor (which is where everything I had touched was) and I wouldn’t have stopped to watch Stranger than Fiction. Good movie but I was expecting more.

Anyone please…. I need books. Well not the actual book, just the titles and perhaps the authors. Yes, I know you are thinking how could I have time to read if I can’t even pick things off the floor, but I have an hour commute to work and I am reading a book every three days.


PS All I need to survive the summer is an espresso rocket shake and now I can get them in my kitchen instead of the metro.

The countdown has begun....

I am leaving New York. I am going somewhere warmer. A place where I will never have to hear “I hope it warms up so it will snow.” Its funny in my time hear I have learned a lot, sort like I had a mini little lifetime compacted into a year and half. I am sad to leave. I have a great neighborhood and I have made a lot of great friends. And I know part of leaving is to leave those people; there are probably only a handful of people that I will stay connected with. Perhaps, they replace the friends I have lost touch with from Austin. I am also sad to leave because everything can be an adventure here (even when you wish you could just do laundry or buy cereal without the adventure)
and I don’t know if that can be recreated. Or perhaps it is a mindset and I can recreate it for myself where ever I end up. Well despite the sadness that always comes with letting go and loss…..I am really excited. I have one more summer in New York (the best time to be here) and then I am embarking a new type of adventure. Where I will go I don’t know and won’t know until just before I get placed there. So I can’t plan or even think about what life will be like after August (for the next two years) which forces me to be present in just this moment..... which changes every second.

I didn't mean to take credit where credit wasn't due, the pictures are courtesy of Mr. Blynn. It seemed apropriate to use pictures of a visitor to the city because that is what I have become in way. And I guess i assumed that Mr. Blynn is also the only person who reads this so he would know... :)

The socks have come off....

Maybe a little too soon but I just can’t take it anymore. So I think there is only one person that reads this besides me, so I am not sure why I feel the need to write here again but do I need a reason for the things I do?
In the past few months I have learned some major life lessons.
1. No one is any more an expert than I. Well, atleast for the most part. That’s not to say that I know better than my doctor why my throat hurts or that I understand the interest rates on different savings plan more than a banker, but I do mean that even the doctor doesn’t know exactly what is happening all the time. (the doctors I have met with recently would disagree, they seem to think that because they are doctors they know how to run an adolescent education program better than anyone despite the fact that all their experience with adolescents is to diagnose their aliments of their body) Everyone has areas that they are more familiar with thus know a little more but that doesn’t make them an expert. In fact more and more I feel like nothing really works the way it is supposed to (inside the school system where I use to work or inside the hospital where I now work) and people often are often just making their best guess at what to do next. Maybe for most people this is obvious and simple, but it took me taking on a job that required me to hire, manage people, create things from scratch to realize that everyone is just trying and no one knows for sure about anything. With this realization I the world has a whole new spectrum of colors.
2. With the world of possibilities I also realized that everything you see as your life can shatter in a split second. If you are inside the kitchen doing your own thing you have no idea that the baseball is headed full force towards your stain glass window. While those on the outside might feel the seconds slow down to hours as the ball is making its way towards your window, they have no way of telling you or warning you. You simply cannot and won’t know until the window shatters. I guess all you do is at least hope that is a warm and beautiful day that is suddenly invading your personal space.
3. And lastly the most important thing I have learned in the past few months is something that doesn’t translate into words very well. The best I can do is relate it to a metaphor that I have used (with a select few) my whole life. I woke up one day this past month and realized that my glass box only had three sides. Not four. I can step right on in or out as I see fit. And no one else can see the difference. And once I cut the strings to the past I realized that to step out of the box changed nothing except how I perceived and related to the world (and people in it).


These three things may all be simple but to realize them has had a large impact on me and my relation to the world……and what I want to do in the world. Or perhaps I just thrive best on the verge of total change. I have applied for a new type of job. If I get it I will move…to where who knows. If I don’t get it. I still might move……..I am sick of living in a place where I feel thankful for 40 degrees in the month of April.