Maybe a little too soon but I just can’t take it anymore. So I think there is only one person that reads this besides me, so I am not sure why I feel the need to write here again but do I need a reason for the things I do?
In the past few months I have learned some major life lessons.
1. No one is any more an expert than I. Well, atleast for the most part. That’s not to say that I know better than my doctor why my throat hurts or that I understand the interest rates on different savings plan more than a banker, but I do mean that even the doctor doesn’t know exactly what is happening all the time. (the doctors I have met with recently would disagree, they seem to think that because they are doctors they know how to run an adolescent education program better than anyone despite the fact that all their experience with adolescents is to diagnose their aliments of their body) Everyone has areas that they are more familiar with thus know a little more but that doesn’t make them an expert. In fact more and more I feel like nothing really works the way it is supposed to (inside the school system where I use to work or inside the hospital where I now work) and people often are often just making their best guess at what to do next. Maybe for most people this is obvious and simple, but it took me taking on a job that required me to hire, manage people, create things from scratch to realize that everyone is just trying and no one knows for sure about anything. With this realization I the world has a whole new spectrum of colors.
2. With the world of possibilities I also realized that everything you see as your life can shatter in a split second. If you are inside the kitchen doing your own thing you have no idea that the baseball is headed full force towards your stain glass window. While those on the outside might feel the seconds slow down to hours as the ball is making its way towards your window, they have no way of telling you or warning you. You simply cannot and won’t know until the window shatters. I guess all you do is at least hope that is a warm and beautiful day that is suddenly invading your personal space.
3. And lastly the most important thing I have learned in the past few months is something that doesn’t translate into words very well. The best I can do is relate it to a metaphor that I have used (with a select few) my whole life. I woke up one day this past month and realized that my glass box only had three sides. Not four. I can step right on in or out as I see fit. And no one else can see the difference. And once I cut the strings to the past I realized that to step out of the box changed nothing except how I perceived and related to the world (and people in it).
These three things may all be simple but to realize them has had a large impact on me and my relation to the world……and what I want to do in the world. Or perhaps I just thrive best on the verge of total change. I have applied for a new type of job. If I get it I will move…to where who knows. If I don’t get it. I still might move……..I am sick of living in a place where I feel thankful for 40 degrees in the month of April.
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